I think Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly took Lindsey Graham out for dinner the other night and stuffed him silly with knuckle sandwiches and pitchers of bitter GOP Kool Aid. How else can you explain the abrupt mood shift from day one of the Sotomayor confirmation hearings to day two?
In his opening statement, Sen. Graham graciously acknowledged, “You’re going to get confirmed. Unless you have a meltdown, which I don’t see happening.” But the next day, he came in, fixin’ for a fight, brimming with reports from ” unnamed” lawyers who suggested the nominee was a bully on the bench. ” Do you have a temperament problem?” Excuse me, Senator. You’re saying Judge Sotomayor who handled a tough grilling on everything from abortion rights to affirmative action to the Second Amendment with authority, grace and humor, needs Anger Management classes? Come on. She even managed to spin cartwheels around countless questions by you, Sen. Session, Coburn, et al about her unfortunate ” wise Latina woman” comment. And she did it with the million dollar smile her pal the cosmetic dentist designed and a cast on her leg.
Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t ask tough questions of the nominee for the highest appointed gig in the land. It’s a lifetime deal; I get that. And you don’t agree with her philosophically, I know. But don’t make her out to be a crazy left-wing thug. She’s had seventeen pretty moderate years on the bench (so moderate some libs aren’t thrilled with her either).
She’s not having a meltdown. She’s getting confirmed. She saved baseball, for God’s sake! She’s the face of America. Deal with it.
But just imagine how much more entertaining these hearings would be if we had a different nominee, someone like, say, Judge Judy. Or Nancy Grace. Either of these firebrands could easily have a meltdown of nuclear proportion, leaving the Capitol all aglow. Like Chernobyl.
So have another sip of your GOP Kool Aid, Sen. Graham, close your eyes and sit back in your over-sized Senate Hearing chair. Here’s a snippet from Judge Judy’s fantasy hearing, already in progress….
Judge Judy: Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining, Sen. Graham….
Don’t even try that on me, Sen. Sessions. On your best day, you’re not half as smart as I am on my worst day…
Beauty fades, as you well know, Sen. Coburn, dumb is forever.
And now here’s Nancy’s:
Nancy Grace: Put Hatch up on the screen. I want to see his face when I don’t answer that ridiculous question. I know they’re guilty. I don’t have time to sort out the facts. In case you didn’t know, Michael Jackson’s still dead. And I haven’t read the “Tot Mom’s” commissary list in weeks. Listen to this Hatch… put him back up…she’s feasting on beef jerky and Velveeta. She’s luxuriating in her 8 by 10 cell, she’s even doing her nails in something called Pretty in Pink Prisoner. That’s right Hatch, I said Pretty in Pink beef jerky!
Ah, what combustible fun it would be.
But back here in the real world, Sonia Sotomayor will easily slip on the big robe. As you so eloquently said on that first sane day, Sen. Graham,”elections have consequences.” And one of them allows the President to fill in the Supremes.
I can’t wait until he has to fill a vacancy from you side of the bench. You guys will have to smuggle in lunch from Rush Limbaugh’s ex-housekeeper just to get through the proceedings. But Obama could be in a generous mood. He might even fly in the Dancing Itos for the halftime entertainment.
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