I was raised to believe that snow and ice were cold. However, though this must be a result of conspiracy thinking that I took on somewhere along the path, I have finally come to my senses. Since man-made global warming has been proven to exist and the earth’s temperature is getting warmer, so I’m told, and since there is no way this could just be a big business used as a means for world population control by way of exorbitant taxation, then the only conclusion I can come to is that snow and ice must be warm.
This comes from the reports of 877 new snowfall records in the USA alone, not to mention some more around the world. Since global warming and cooling have now been proven to be forced by humanity and not naturally cyclical, then my painfully numbed hands and frost bitten cheeks have apparently been deceiving me my entire life. I am extremely ticked off about all of the coats, gloves and hats I have purchased throughout the years as well as all of the different Christmas presents I could have received instead like Stretch Armstrong or the seemingly always-elusive Evel Knievel action figure with the cool motorcycle and plastic track. And now that much of America is getting pounded by the warm white stuff more than ever and don’t even realize that it isn’t freezing their fannies off, I must only assume that there are some gigantic wizards sitting behind a mountain somewhere wearing their psychedelic purple and yellow robes and pointy hats casting spells on everyone. That would make sense due to the fact that wizards have been known to be in the winter business where they run all of the ski slopes and sell all of the snow-removal equipment. To make matters worse, they must show preference to only a priveleged few who can laugh at the rest of us from their mountain top homes.
Now that’s a conspiracy!
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I live a few clicks beneath one of Pat Robertson’s homes protected by armed guards. My home is not protected by armed guards, and I am curious as to why one who claims to believes in the protection of the Lord, would feel the need of armed guards to protect himself or his property.
Obviously hypocritical, he and Jerry Falwell, other televangelists have taken advantage of the scare tactics used by the Republican party, as they collect from the poor working Americans.
Of the 13 all-time records either set or broken on Dec 24/25, 8 of them were in Oklahoma.
Global warming is nothing more than junk science (though it appears Erik has been converted!!!)
LOL!!!
Erick,
I love this article almost as much as watching the 6 or 7 wingnuts who showed up in a blizzard in Salt Lake City last week to protest for the acceptance of the Copenhagen Taxation Plan to stop global warming.
Expected turnout when planned was said to be 10,000. Thats a hell of a drop in temp!
Can I stop taking my Beano now!
One last point, are libs now gonna go into emergency mode, asking all businesses to ratchet up manufacturing and product to create more greenhouse gas so as to warm my ass up a little. Now that may create more profit to tax, just a thought.