BP Oil Spill is 1000% Bush and Cheney’s Fault

At least that is what Arianna Huffington told George Will on ABC’s ‘This Week‘.

I happen to agree with her. After all, I am privy to a secret, long list of internationally-known infractions that these two manipulators are either directly or indirectly responsible for. You heard it here first, folks:

Let’s start with Dubya:

(1) He and his buddies are known to have kidnapped and killed the Headless Horseman at Sleepy Hollow. This brood was also apparently responsible for the true disappearance of Ichabod Crane, by tying his hands behind his back, placing a pig mask on his head, cramming an apple in his mouth, and shipping him to Cheney’s relative’s house as a Halloween prank. Crane was never seen again.

(2) He dared his friend John Wilkes Boothe to buy a cap gun and see how close he could get to President Lincoln before getting apprehended by security. If he happened to get all the way to the president, he would pull the trigger and snap the cap just to show security how inept they were. Of course, Booth could have never realized how evil his bff was by replacing his cap gun with a real life gun with real life bullets (naive idiot).

(3) He made the same dare some 36 years later with his pen pal Leon Czolgosz which proved to be the undoing of President McKinley.

(4) Since the 19-teens proved to be overwhelmingly boring, he decided to join his new pen pal (Czolgosz no longer wrote back) Vladimir Lenin on his Russian “adventure”. It has been proven that he paid for the trip with oil money and hired the “helping hands” to make this “vacation” a total success.

(4) He and his family used insider trading information to buy up the appropriate stocks in 1929 so that whenWall Street crashed, they could cash in on the calamity.

(5) He went AWOL in 1941 in order to join his Japanese airplane buddies in a bombing rehearsal in Hawaii.

(6) Since the cap gun trick had worked so well in the past, he told his long time card playing friend Lee Harvey Oswald that paint gun rifling was the newest fad and that he had a golden opportunity to make his mark by painting the back of JFK’s head green just to embarrass him in front Dubya’s (and LBJ’s) Texas homies.

(7) He is personally responsible for the Gore divorce by personally messing up tons of hanging chads in the 2000 election.

Dick Cheney and Halliburton are much more sinister:

(1) He rode his horse through the streets screaming “The Yiddish are coming!” ” and 1,000s of unassuming religious Jews got senselessly massacred.

(2) While visiting Chicago in 1871, he purposefully dropped his cigar into a gasoline storage facility and half of the city was engulfed.

(3) Halliburton tested their newly-made earthquake machine in San Francisco in 1906. Did I tell you that it was a stunning success?

(4) Cheney tested some new, state of the art explosives in OKC, just for the fun of it.

Yes people, the evidence is overwhelming and refutes any possible argument before it begins. Bush-Cheney have been responsible for every economic and environmental disaster this nation has ever known. And likely always will be. It is impossible for the reckless irresponsibility to be confined within the 8 years of the Dubya presidency since it has been discovered that they are immortal and omnipresent and, worse, EVIL)VIL)IL)L)!!!

If you ever want to impress your friends by appearing prophetic or psychic, just tell them that the next bad thing that happens – regardless of the location or the circumstances – must be a scheme by Bush-Cheney. Heck! You could even start charging admission because you would be right, 1000% of the time!