Guest blog from the writers at The Washington Mistress
There has been a growing sense of unease in Washington as the host of (usually insightful) political watchdogs have been at a loss to explain the blatant missteps on both sides of the aisle in recent weeks. Fortunately, confidential consultation with some high-level strategists has shed some light on what appears to be a self-sabotage campaign run for 2012. The fact is, both Parties have put down Machiavelli for a little Nostradamus.
Conspiracy theorists are quick to jump on (and consequently discredit by association) the Apocolyptuers predictions, but the evidence has clearly been persuasive enough to make its way into top-flight political strategy. Nostradamus accurately foresaw many of the great tragedies of the last few hundred years, subsequently; his claims that the world is going to end in 2012 have gotten some press. As responsible science demands, these predictions have been paired with details found in the Book of Revelations to paint a pretty bleak picture for election year. As per the Scripture, those who hold the seat of power during the Apocalypse are going to face heavy scrutiny from the Big Guy in the Sky- and sufficed to say neither Party wants that kind of press. So, what many savvy political commentators have characterized as a self-sabotage effort by Democrats and Republicans has turned out to be just that.
A confidential interview with a top strategist for the Republican Party released the following statement:
“Let me start by saying that I am going to be a little vague on the role I play in organizing the overarching strategy of the Republican Party, as I want this interview to remain as anonymous as possible. It came to our attention that the world was going to end in 2012 about 5 or 6 years ago, and it was unanimously decided among the GOP elite that the last thing we wanted was to be in the hot-seat (our euphemism for the Oval Office during the Apocalypse). Granted, because of our fundamental roots in the Religious right, we managed to get a little ahead of the game.
The first stage was to lose the 2008 Election, because it is significantly harder to upend an incumbent. When we saw a Black man was the Democratic frontrunner, it was a bit of a game-changer. We didn’t have a shot of losing our constituent base when that was the opposition. Thankfully, the Democrats were still trying to win the election, and we had 8 years of Bush to push Obama through. Just as a safeguard, we kept our Primary winner an older white man (so as not to arouse suspicion in the enemy camp as to what we were doing). But the Vice-Presidential spot was where we scored the win. Or the lose. Well, this was a ‘lose-to-win’ kind of situation. Palin was our Golden Ticket out of the race. We managed to sway a few Republicans to vote independent or Blue when we announced that news, and the rest was easy. A few “I can see Russia from my house” type comments were enough to seal Obama’s spot in the White House.”
But the story doesn’t end there; recent Democratic activity has cast doubt on Republicans ability to cede the Oval Office during the Apocalypse. Our source continues;
“Then our plan started to fall apart a bit. Our Bible Belt loyals informed us Barack Obama’s name literally translates to ‘Lightning from the Heights,’ which, in the Old Testament, is how the Devil says he will reveal himself. Unsettling, to say the least. Then Obama incorporated his legendary grassroots campaign, ‘Organizing for America’ (formerly ‘Obama for America’) into the DNC- marginalizing all his hardworking networkers and infuriating his fan-base. Then, to make matters worse- the Economy tanked.”
“This is when it all fell into place. The Democrats knew about 2012, and they were equally appalled by the prospect of being in the hot-seat. What followed are some of the most admittedly brilliant tactical displays of sabotage ever seen in politics. Hillary Clinton, the most hated woman in America, started parading around as Secretary of State. Iraq and Afghanistan took a turn for the worse. The Economy tanked. Joblessness ran rampant. Thousands of Bailout dollars got siphoned off into corporate pockets. We couldn’t keep up.”
“The Massachusetts fiasco was nothing short of brilliant. I mean, on the verge of pushing Healthcare (Obama’s Holy Grail of Success, the only bright moment he could cling to) they lost a crucial seat in Congress! I mean, they mobilized their grassroots support ONE WEEK before the Election! There was nothing we could do to lose that one. And now, Democrats are giving up seats left and right. Gridlock is inevitable. We managed to swing a Nobel nomination, but all that did was encourage snickering across the globe. And, to add insult to injury, they threw John Edwards under the bus! I’m telling you, I don’t know how we can possibly escape the heavy hand of fate in 2012, and most of us are just praying for a miracle.”
The Democrats may have struck a deal with the Devil to avoid a White House bid in 2012, but the future is still murky. Republicans are desperately encouraging a Presidential bid by Sarah Palin in hopes of decreasing their odds of meeting the maker while wearing the crown- but Democrats are circulating rumors of another Bailout and military collapse abroad.
The tidings of Nostradamus promise to be the determining factor in the broad scheme of Political strategy in 2012, and we here at home will be keeping a watchful eye on the antics of the elite.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey amigo,
Sure who spins it in their favor will be a factor but there is an uprising among the people. More and more have awoke and are now aware of the issues not only on the current docket but in the lineup (ss, deficit, medicare…).
Many will be impressed by the typical shock and awe magic show involved in every political campaign, but people are learning how the tricks work. After the secrets are revealed the tricks look pretty stupid. Point being it is going to take some real solutions and not simply another set of promises to be successful, at least for president. I think the Scott Brown victory is an excellent example of how the right can still be blinded by the light, going to your point, but President is a different bag… Evenstill as time progresses and our situation worsens – as it most certainly will given the totality of problems, and utter lack of solutions or an environment that encourages the self-righting mechanism of our free-market economy to function- more of the rebels, those who have been turned off by both parties will control the vote, and they will do it with a critical eye. Trust in politicians is dwindling. When the masses realize words of a politician can no longer be trusted – anyone laughing out loud – they have to evaluate their potential for success somehow. That means impressive solutions. Keyword being impressive though as we may see still yet another trend of people being blinded by big ideas which really aren’t rooted in reality. We can only hope people gain the wisdom to study the facts and take history seriously before casting a vote. But time will tell.
Amigo,
You make some interesting points I will admit. However, I must take issue with just one thing you said that I don’t agree with.
“2) Never underestimate the gullibility of the American people. Bush was in office for 8 years.”
And they bought Obama’s “hope and change” line of BS as well. However, Obama’s success wasn’t a mandate for his principles it was more a reaction to Bush and the credit crisis than a mandate for a liberal agenda. One year into it and the American public is hopping mad at being made a fool of. Obama’s approval TODAY hit 45% approve… under the 50% mark… and it’s sinking like the Titanic. The Democratically controlled congress has the LOWEST approval rating of ANY congress in history.
Personally I will place my faith in the people of this country any day over my faith in a politician for one simple reason. The politician WANTS it.
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/obama_administration/daily_presidential_tracking_poll
1) Despite the fatalism of the article, the (real-life) point is that we are at a turning point for both parties. There is still time for either side to make a real impact on politics, but it’s all about how they deal with the inevitables.
A) Economy Bad- can Republicans make it look like the fault of failed policies? Or will the Democratic Spin win through that it was either the best they could do or failed only because of insufficient partisanship?
B) War Bad- There is little hope for resolving our conflicts abroad before 2012, pardon my pessimism. I don’t think previous voting records really matter now as much as how he executes (pun!) the rest of the military’s goals throughout Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan. I personally think this will be a moot issue, unless some unforseen breakthrough or tragedy divy’s out kudos or blame decisively one way or the other.
C) Unemployment Bad- I think that Republicans need to hedge their bets here, and side up with the first proposal that looks like it has a shot at putting a dent in unemployment. Reason being, there is a good chance that a hostile Congress will be blamed for failed initiatives. I think being a part of the solution and taking some credit is better than blocking anything Blue. Build some cred.
2) Never underestimate the gullibility of the American people. Bush was in office for 8 years.
Amigo,
“But if Palin runs, the Dems have it in the bag.” Couldn’t agree with you more.
As for “the one” as Keith Olberman donned him I don’t think trying to position himself as an outsider will work any more. The American public might have been taken in by his rhetoric during the election, but now that he is office there are two things that make this difficult.
One. His promises during the campaign were broken 8 times. So there is a history now of “the one” to work with. It’s not easy to be against the war before you were for it. And since he voted down the surge in Iraq that has obviously shown some success I think his record will be hit. And hit hard. I’d especially like to see more of his voting “present” instead of yeah or neigh put out in the public. As well as his mis-management of policy. (i.e. letting Peloser and Ried run healtcare into the ground.)
Two. You can’t be “outside” politics when you are an incumbent president of the free world. The public may be lazy, but they aren’t stupid as many would suggest.
Just my two centavos
Thank you Mr. Swain for your comments, I was going to abandon my narcissism for the evening but I couldn’t help reading the responses to my political analysis.
I think the strength of satire is pointing out the insanity in what is considered sane- so I actually take that as a true compliment.
That said, I did want to mention that while I agree that Republicans may gain some ground with being characterized as outsiders, it may do more harm than good. Obama’s recent lambasting of Congressional bipart bickering and rare criticism of the Court has (in my opinion) allowed him to create the impression he is outside of the Washington squabble just ‘trying to make all those crazy kids get along.’
That kind of ethic did wonders for his campaign in a country frustrated by the same old same old. The worry would be that today, Republicans will be cast as bitter “outsiders on the inside” re-entrenching the worst kind of childish politics, while Obama rides up on his White Horse to save the day (or at least, explain his shortcomings as a result of Washington’s shortsightedness).
2012 really hinges more and more on what we see unfolding in the next few months. A few more missteps and there is little hope of a Blue flag for 4 more years. Obama sailed into the White House on the backs of promises of shaking up Washington, as most politicians do. The problem is, America believed him.
But if Palin runs, the Dems have it in the bag. Tune in for more at http://www.thewashingtonmistress.com
Even after a full shot of expensive whiskey, I can’t quite determine if you’re article leans towards insanity or satire.
Please excuse both suggestions if this is a serious article.
Here on TerraFirma I find some of your suggestions worth thinking on though.
Should the Republicans achieve equity or anything close to it, it will still be too late to stop the runaway trains set into motion by the current Dem faithful. Therefore, should Republicans challenge Dem numbers, they could lose the advantage of being outsiders, in the wing waiting for their turn at bat.
The current count makes Republicans irreverent, yet the Dems constantly point to the Repub obstructionist. Just wait till there is some sort of parity.
Assuming we won’t be dodging asteroids and nukes in 2012, it may be best to mitigate the dem damage now, and take it all back then, at the end of all things in 2012.
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